By jen
Via Steve Jackson Games:
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
By jen
KY has a great ad campaign and I am amused. Visit AreYouBritishInBed.Co.Uk and find your sexual nationality.
I am Italian apparently. Got it twice. “I find sex to be a religious experience and often set my bed on fire after sex as a sacrifice to the Gods.”
heh
By jen
I am not really sure why they call themselves Pokemons other than their love of Anime and bad fashion. This makes no sense.
Apparently, hundreds of teenagers gather in public parks in Chile to take part in orgies, called ponceo, where they anonymously get and give oral sex. (They refer to themselves as “Pokemones.”) [Newsweek.com] via: “TheFrisky”
The Newsweek piece says…
Sociologists have labeled the Pokemones an “urban tribe,” a term they have also applied to hippies, punks, and goths. But unlike those that came before it, this is the first “urban tribe” here born in the Internet age. As such, communication technology is key—Pokemones have hundreds of contacts on instant-messaging programs, and they regularly upload videos and photos to sites like YouTube and Fotolog. But despite the expanded capacity for communication, theirs may be the first movement in which debate about its goals is noticeably absent.
They aren’t political, they love everything! Including oral herpes apparently…
Curiously, the teenagers do not seem to hold any particular convictions about their identity in a political or sexual sense. Instead, their movement is mostly about image.
Their parents are all up in arms about this horrible trend. Blah blah blah… Reading the article mentions they are all decked out in the latest fashions, tech gadgets and whatnot. If you are so pissed about the lifestyle, quit buying them shit. Trust me, if you stop paying for internet access and take away their cash they are going to have a harder time fitting in with their non-conformist friends; just a thought.
So the Chilean teens have discovered sport fucking. They have taken the Rainbow party to the city parks and added a bit of emo to boot.
Some really great insight into the intellectual depth of the neo-liberal youth of Chile…
“Ponceo is about having fun,” says Natalia Fernandez, a 15-year-old with pink hair and a pierced chin. “This time I had seven partners.”
“It’s basically a fashion thing,” says Raul Barra, a tall 19-year-old with piercings down the sides of his nose. “A Pokemon has a certain style and does ponceo.”
“I guess we don’t really think about politics or anything,” says Valentina Espinosa, a petite 16-year-old whose teased platinum hair adds about six inches to her tiny stature. “We’re not for anything, but we’re not against anything, either—well, except our parents getting mad at us for being Pokemones.”
“I’m just having fun. I’m only 16, and I won’t get hurt through ponceo because I don’t go hoping to find a boyfriend,” says Isidora Fernandez, who insisted on being called Frambuesa (Spanish for raspberry).
“This week I bought two T-shirts and a webcam,” says Pablo Gutierrez, 18. Sticking out his tongue to reveal a piercing, he adds, “And a new tongue ring. I was sick of my old one.”
Welcome to the world of dumb ass teenagers, Chile. Sorry it sucks but at least you do not have
Augusto Pinochet anymore. Just beat their asses and take their credit cards away.
By jen
Yes, you got it… Chocolate Anus. If you want to know more about this just visit “EdibleAnus.com: The Incredible Edible Anus”
It is fine Belgian chocolate and they are backordered apparently.
If you are a real lover of ass, you can buy the Limited Edition Sterling Silver Anus. A gift for the man who has everything according to the site.
This is so NOT Demure…
By jen
8 Monumental Sexual Experiences You Must Have…
The 8 experiences are no brainers, but this struck me as funny: Honey, I’m Home Sex…
Honey-I’m-Home Sex
Why it’s monumental: If you haven’t eaten all day, you pig out at dinner. Same with sex. If you’re attached, a business trip equals massive sexual deprivation. It means the closest thing you’re getting to regular sex is the midnight showing of the hotel’s $14.99 adult movie. (Note: Titles do not appear on your bill.) So when you reach home, the deprivation turns into sexual gorging. “You usually find that this is the most romantic sex, because it starts out with long, luscious kisses that really get the juices flowing,” says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a California sexologist and author of Stock Market Orgasm.
Have it tonight: You can simulate this kind of passion—whether you’ve been away for 8 days or 8 minutes—by giving her this kind of kiss, and in this order.
Kiss her face all over—lightly.
Lick the outside of her lips.
Kiss her bottom lip. “There’s a correlation between a woman’s bottom lip and her vagina. Sucking gently on her lip will make her vagina swell,” Cadell says.
Gently suck her tongue. Cadell says, “I call kissing facial intercourse—it’s really erotic.”
I am a huge fan of snoggin’ in general. I call the highlighted text above the “Lip Thingie”... not to be confused with the Hip Thingie; though getting the Lip Thingie from a man with Hip Thingie is pretty good. According to Men’s Health, obviously a mag of scientific fame /snark… I enjoy this cuz it makes my hoo-ha swell. I am just going to leave it at that.
Demure as always…
By jen
It has come to pass… One down, three to go! No seriously, Daughter No. 1 is settled in at A&M and says she is loving her room and the roommate seems cool.
“She isn’t a valley girl or an emo, so it is all good.” She says.
My reply, “Yeah, gum smacking and cutting are always bad news.”
We are thrilled for her and proud. She is a good egg and a smart cookie. In four years I will be writing another post about her starting medical school and well I will still have kids in jr. high and elementary.
Heh… I am an Aggie Mom now. Ph3ar m3!
By jen
I have decided I need to become a wino. So I am putting a Demure call out to all my readers who drink, which is probably the lot of you sots, to make some good suggestions.
What I know I like:
The more like boones it is the better. ;)
I hate Merlot. Tastes like it belongs on a salad.
I have one here which was a gift which I love called Gewurztraminer. Yeah, these Germans makes good shit.
Lemme know…
By jen
Safe LOCK Chastity Belt Barbell Steel Jewelry Piercing
Product Description
Unique and valuable. The barbell goes through the skin and the lock is hanging from the barbell. This doesn’t actually work so be sure to use secondary methods to protect your virtue.
Something tells me, no matter what you have this little accessory hanging from, your virtue has long ago left the protected status. Just sayin’...
Even I am not this Demure…
By jen
Name That Vajayjay: 40 Words For Every Situation
Ever find yourself wondering what to call your twat when you are in mixed company? Well if so, here is a nice guide for you. Absurd… hilarious… carry on.
Some highlights: Different words for different situations.
In The Midst Of Ecstatic Love-Making With Your Sexual Partner:
- Snatch
- Kitty
- Junk
- Yoni
- Punani
I for one have never uttered any of these words in the throws of anything other than hilarity. Yoni? I thought that was a greek guy with a keyboard and bad hair.
If You’re Writing The Next Great American Romance Novel:
- Dew-flaps
- Quim
- Rosebud
- Sugar Basin
- Love Tunnel
- Lady Flower
- Bower of Bliss
- Oracle
- Nonny-no
- Gentleman’s Pleasure Garden
Dew Flaps? Hahahahaha really… hahahahha. I am so going to use that one soon. Bower of bliss? Sugar Basin? Oh shit… I need to stop or I am going to pee in my pants. Boy I bet a few Oracle DBA’s I know would really get a kick out of this list. Oh wait, that gives “consult the oracle” a whole knew meaning, doesn’t it?
Funny shit… I want to read the “40 words for Man Meat” edition.
By jen
Dave Coulier: I Really Hurt Alanis!
When he first heard the song, “I said, ‘Wow, this girl is angry,’ ” he recalled. “And then I said, ‘Oh man, I think it’s Alanis.’ ... I listened to the song over and over again, and I said, ‘I think I have really hurt this person.’ “
Ewwww
Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I’m not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back
I hope you feel it…well can you feel it
Call me crazy, but I cannot imagine a guy that makes funny voices for a living could inspire such angst. Bangin’ Uncle Joey from Full House inspired a song? Ugh…
